I've been celebrating my 22nd birthday for the past couple of days.. still got a couple more days to go.
Whenever friends get together, they bring back memories, both pleasant, and miserable ones.
we reminisce about the times we had together, and the ordeals we went through together or individually during those times. Without those memories, Life as we know it, would be dull.
When I think back to all the broken hearts, friendships, school concerns, or whatever it was that was bothering us; I can't help but feel that I've learned alot along the way.
Recently, someone commented, "you attract way too much drama"
It's not that one would ask for such things, nor would one make a spectacle of oneself.
Drama is everywhere, and it cannot be avoided. What we can do is to remain silent, shrug it off, or do not react to it. When we have problems, we deal with them ourselves. We do not need everyone else to know.
However, people do tend to gossip about others at times.
I have learned that the hard way.
You can take the opinions of others into consideration. However, whatever you do, you're the one that make the decisions; no one else to blame but yourself, if things don't go your way.
I've learned to keep my personal life as private as possible. With this, I really appreciate my friends, for being there for me, even though they don't know what's going on; but they're still there to support me, no questions asked.
So I've learned that.. there are always two sides to everything. I may not say much, but that does not mean I am not aware of what's going on. Nor does it mean that I am not aware of what the other party's intentions and motives are; hidden agendas, as some would say.
Some people like to test the waters, by pushing buttons. Just to see how far they can get without crossing the line. But there are alot of times that, I choose not to say anything even after the person have crossed the line. Because what is the point to get all emotional, when the best reaction you can give someone, is to show no reaction at all? Or I would be blunt and address the issue. I tend to over analyze alot, I think about all possible outcomes; my brain is sort of like a processor, when it comes down to analyzing something. And I know that it's not something that's healthy for me. I've always been so guarded, and stubborn, it's always been hard for me to let down my guard. But once I do, I'm very vulnerable. I learned that, sometimes in life, you should take risks and try your best. Even if it does not work out, at least you can tell yourself that you have tried your very best under the circumstances. It really doesn't matter what other people think of you, you only have yourself to answer to.
"sometimes you have to allow yourself to be weak, in order to grow stronger." - gossip girl, season 6, episode 7
You cannot control what others do, how they behave, think, or the way they talk. What you can do is to change how you view things in perspective; not changing to agree with the things others do, but to become ignorant.
I have learned that Ignorance is bliss, however, that only applies to selective situations.
I learned that having too much pride.. will actually stop you from moving forward. Arrogance will kill you in a way, that you can foresee, but cannot fully comprehend.
Friendships, relationships, connecting with one another, these are all 2-way streets. When one side does not take the initiative to pursue it/effort to maintain it, no matter how hard you try, it will eventually fall apart because you will become very exhausted in the end. Intimacy is also another thing. To hold hands in public is the biggest symbol of intimacy. Alot of people can engage in physical intimacy, but are reluctant to engage in such a simple yet symbolic gesture. People are complex, some might be able to engage in physical intimacy with one another, but yet, holding hands is an impossible task for them, vice versa. We get used to such complex relations, such as physical intimacy, it's not because we're neglecting it, it's because we do not wish to address it. I trust that for most people out there, it's not the short-lived rush of excitement they would acquire during physical intimacy they're looking for; but that tingly feeling, the warmth they feel, when they hold hands with one another.
I learned that, people tend to disappoint you in the most unexpected ways, the key is to not expect too much or anything at all... maybe there are just some people we are meant to let go... And maybe not... because i was never one to give in so easily... but what the future holds, we'll never know.
"This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road.
Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry, or maybe it's because I finally understand.
There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept.
Things we don't want to know, but have to learn.
And people we can't live without, but have to let go."
- criminal minds season 6 episode 4
Every lesson is like a fine piece of China/glass, you drop it, it shatters, and when you put the broken pieces back together, there will always be cracks, imperfect - Life. I hope the broken pieces that are put back together can still show the cracks, and let it enact as a reminder of what happened so we can learn from it; because I was never one to pick up all the broken pieces, put them back together and pretend that nothing happened.
Now that my social network, connections towards career opportunities are expanding tremendously, I realize that we tend to forget about things that we used to care so deeply about; simply because we're so busy trying to move forward, and sometimes we do it to forget about the past... Moving on is only good if you can fully let go without grudges intact.
To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn't have any feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't winning or losing. It's not about pride. It's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. It isn't about loss and it's not defeat. Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible, controlling that which we cannot and instead, focus on what is possible.To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome them and move on. Letting go is accepting. Letting go is having the courage to accept change. Letting go is growing up.
Matter occupies space and you can only have space for those who really matter.
"The truth is everyone is going to end up hurting you, you just got to find the people worth suffering for."-- Bob Marley --
Things always seem like they're the world's biggest problem when we're going through the whole ordeal. Then as time passes, we look back, those ordeals don't seems as big anymore; in fact they are very small in comparison.
but all in all... I still stand by this:
I am not your average girl that you can just step all over; just because I don't say anything does not mean I'd tolerate disrespect.
Someone once told me that I am immature, when that person was not even in the position to judge me, considering what that person did. I do not deny the fact that I may not be mature enough according to some, however, I am true to myself. I believe in myself, I may doubt myself at times, but I do not allow others the opportunity to make me feel inadequate.. I am headstrong (okay, sometimes it's not that good to be like that, but you get what I mean). I am very determined and independent; I know what I want, and do not want. I do not need constant reassurance, because I have confidence and trust. And if you don't see that, it's because you haven't actually gotten to know me, or looked at me clearly, or it could be that you've never really given me the chance to open up. But do not shut me out without even giving me a chance. In most cases, I would not go down without a fight; however, I learned that no matter how much you try, if someone wants to leave you, they will find reasons to do so. I am a patient person, I may be emotional at times, but that does not make me immature; I am only human, I cannot stay rational and logical 24/7; and I trust that other people can't either. I am not primarily here for your convenience only, my time is just as valuable as everyone else's. I am not one to force something to happen, people can leave if this has proven to be more than they can handle. You have the right to leave someone. But at least tell them why; what is worst than being abandoned, is to know that you're not even worth an explanation. Yes it will hurt, but I am not afraid to move on and go on with my life. Simply because, one must master the art of fortitude, in order to become preeminent.
"sometimes, you have to let things go, so there's room for better things to come into your life."
- gossip girl, season 6, episode 8
I understand that, things change, people change, nothing is absolute, but I am glad and grateful for those that were, still are, and will be with me along the journey, that they call "Life" =]